Long before it was safe to say who you were out loud, LGBTQ+ communities built entire systems of communication hidden in plain sight. Here’s a look at how LGBTQ+ communities communicated through coded phrases, symbols, and signals that let people find each other without ever saying it directly.
Keep reading to uncover the secret language, the flower with a hidden meaning, and the color-coded system that spoke volumes without a single word.
Words That Meant More Than They Said
Sometimes the safest way to say something was to make it sound like nothing at all. For LGBTQ+ communities, everyday words and invented phrases became a language only insiders could fully hear.
Around World War II, gay men began asking each other a simple question: “Are you a friend of Dorothy?” It sounded like harmless small talk, but it let people identify one another without ever using the word “gay” out loud. The phrase borrowed its meaning from The Wizard of Oz and Judy Garland, whose story of misfits finding belonging struck a chord within the community.
Alongside coded phrases, gay communities in Britain developed something even bigger, an entire slang vocabulary called Polari. It blended vernacular from criminals, Romani jargon, Cockney rhyming slang, and Italian into words that sounded like nonsense to outsiders but carried real meaning to those in the know.
Polari wasn’t just decoration, it had a clear purpose. According to Michael Waters, a queer author, “The point was for gay men and some lesbians to speak to each other, including in front of outsiders, without anyone understanding them.” It turned ordinary conversations into something only insiders could actually follow, no matter who else was in the room.
Flowers With a Hidden Message
Flowers weren’t just decoration for queer communities. Instead, they were another way to signal identity without saying anything out loud.
Some codes traced back to a single moment. According to Raidió Teilifís Éireann, a National public service media, “The green carnation became a queer symbol in 1892 when our own Oscar Wilde asked his friends to wear them to the opening night of his comedy Lady Windermere’s Fan.” From that first performance on, the flower carried a meaning only insiders could decode.
Violets have symbolized love between women since ancient Greece, tracing back to the poet Sappho of Lesbos, who wrote about admirers wearing violet garlands.
The symbol resurfaced in 1926, when a character in the play The Captive gifted violets to another woman onstage. This inspired real-life queer women and allies to wear the flower as a quiet sign.
Coded Jewelry
Jewelry offered a way to carry the code into daily life. It was small enough to blend into an ordinary outfit, yet unmistakable to anyone who knew what to look for.
The labrys, a double-headed axe, became a recognizable emblem within lesbian and feminist communities starting in the 1970s. Worn as a necklace pendant, it drew on ancient matriarchal imagery, turning an unassuming piece of jewelry into a quiet marker of identity and strength.
Some codes were small enough to go unnoticed entirely. According to Eric Originals, a jewelry shop, “One notable symbol from this period is the pinky ring worn on the right hand, which subtly signaled one’s homosexuality.” Worn simply as a ring, it let people identify one another without ever raising an eyebrow.
Conclusion
Now that you’ve uncovered these three codes, it’s clear that love and identity always find a way to speak, even in silence. From a phrase about Dorothy, to a flower on a lapel, to a ring worn without explanation, LGBTQ+ communities turned everyday things into a language of their own.
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